3 Months

Quentin turned 3 months old on the 9th.



Where has the time gone?


Life is adjusting to the "new normal". Quentin has become a very happy, and fun baby. He is still a highly sensitive and reactive baby. But I am understanding him better, and he has found that as long as he is held his world is a great place.

Happy Birthday!

6 years ago, a tiny little baby girl was born in Bulgaria weighing just under 1 1/2 lbs. She was born to a mama who couldn't keep her, maybe because she was the 5th mouth to feed or maybe because she was so premature, just 27 weeks, that this mama knew she had to let her go to let her live.

God's plans are perfect, and in His perfect wisdom He helped this tiny little baby girl to fight, and to survive not only such a premature birth in a poor country's hospital, but also 4 1/2 years in an orphanange that was understaffed, underfunded, and under educated on the needs of children with special needs.

Today Miss Tavi John is celebrating her 2nd birthday with her forever family, her 6th anniversary of her birth. The day I met her I knew in my heart that God was right there in the room watching THIS mama meet her little girl for the first time. He was witnessing first hand the the fulfillment of His plan for Tavi to get HER family. As it says in Psalms 68:6 "He sets the lonely in families..."

But that was not the end of Tavi's story. Rather it was just the beginning...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

We love our little Tavi. She is nutty, stubborn, musically gifted, smart as a tack, and fits in so beautifully with our "little bit crazy" family. I used to worry that bringing a blind child into our chaotic, loud, messy, crazy, big family might be an extremely hard adjustment. I can't imagine living in this household without my sight, but Tavi thrives in our family like she was born to it! And in fact ... SHE WAS. God's perfect plans, His careful attention to detail, He loving hands guiding us each step of the way on our journey to each other... Yes, she was born to be in our family.

Happy Birthday Little Tavi!!!

How Long Must I Wait....

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

It takes just over 46 hrs. to drive from Los Angeles, CA to Portland Maine. The Earth takes a year to go all the way around the sun. An Elephant is pregnant for 22 months. It takes an average for 5 years for a college degree.

How long does it take for a child with Down syndrome, who lived the first 7 1/2 years in an understaffed, under funded orphanage to start acting like a typical almost 8 year old child with Down syndrome?

You can find the answers to a whole lot of "How much time..." questions by using google. But no one can tell me how long it it going to take Yana to reach even simple developmental milestones.



Yana has been home for 16 months. It is hard most days for me to see how far she has come. Progress has been slow. So very, very, very blessed slow!

She definitely has learned some about how to play one on one with another person. That has really helped her personality to shine through. She is willing to explore her surroundings on her own, and to search out a toy. Those are both things she would not do the first few months home. She open doors, climbs on furniture, and makes messes. She will give me "a big hug" or lean in for "kisses". She now makes some consonant sounds, but will not mimic. She has gotten much stronger and moves more purposefully. She has gone from weighing 24 lbs. to 35 lbs. She has been doing these things for a while now.

She seemed to me to have plateaued. And I have found the waiting game, the game where I wonder "Is this all that is in store for her?" to be especially difficult. No one can give me the answer to "IS this it?".

There are days I hate this journey. I love Yana, but I hate some of the issues we deal with in regards to her. I get so frustrated wondering just what expectations I should have for her on a daily basis, let alone for the future.



Yana likes to make noises. Throat clearing, tongue clicking or sucking. Spitting "raspberries". Licking a toy or banging it on her teeth. After 10 hours of this each day on her "bad" days, I start feeling a little crazy. I end up so angry at her. WHY? WHY does she do this? EVEN when I sit and play with her she will continue making these noises. I can get her to quit with a firm "NO" or tap her on the mouth and she will stop for a short time only to come back with these noises with a vengeance. It drives every one of us crazy after a bit! Sometimes she goes to bed a lot earlier then the rest of us. There's just nothing else we can do.




I've been at my wits end lately with her. The "plateau" has loomed large and ominous before me for a while. There is some good news though. The last few weeks, baby steps have been made. My almost 9 year old daughter can now:

1. Push large buttons or easy levers to make a toy work.

2. Play pat-a-cake clapping her own hands or "Clap" when asked to as long as I touch her elbows.

3. She can now wave BYE-BYE in response to someone saying it and waving as long as, again, I touch her elbow or arm.

4. She can pat her head when asked "Where is your head?" most of the time. She can also "find" her nose about 70% of the time and can "blow kisses" about as often on command. Again, I have to touch or hold her arm.



Progress has been made. They are all really good developmental steps to have reached... IF she was 1 or 2 or even 3. But she is almost 9. It took her over a year to learn how to clap her hands with me touching her elbows the whole time. OVER A YEAR.

So how long will it take her to be even remotely close to age typical development? At the moment I would take her having all the skills of a 3 year old! Will she ever even reach a 3 year old level in all her skills? I really don't know. But I know that aiming low will not serve her well.

She is my daughter. I try hard to not compare her to others that have come from her background. She seems some days to be alone in her fight... IS anyone out there struggling like my little girl?

How long must we wait for things to turn and start moving more quickly? How long must we wait before she stops acting like she is mentally insane and trapped inside herself just because we go to the grocery store? How long must we wait before people stop assuming she is deaf and or blind because she will not acknowledge them? How long? How long? How long?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? It is just a simple sucker. It's not even that big. How hard can this be to figure out? The best information I could find on Google was between 150 and 411 licks. I guess if they can't figure out an exact number for this question, then I'm not going to find an answer to my question of "How long will it take Yana to ....".

Hope is a beautiful thing. So I hope. Each day I hope, because one day I might just have my answer!

I Desire To Say Yes Each Morning....

I always admire the bloggers that can share a peek into their lives with honesty. It is hard to put yourself out there, to let yourself be judged by people that have never met you, and even some of those that have.

I have come to this blog many times in the past month or 2 typing out a post only to turn around and delete it. Honesty is important to me, and I am finding it easier to just smile and say nothing rather than throwing out the general "almost lie" of "it's all good."

Right now life is hard. It's exhausting. And quite frankly for me and my personality, it's mind boggling! I can not wait for my head to hit the pillow at night so that for just a few hours I do not have to think about everything that needs thought of! I would saying I am headed for a mental breakdown, but who has the time for one of those?

Some of the struggles I am facing are just a part of life, of kids growing up, of living in the world today. Some are more unique. I find myself not wanting to share too much. There is no one "safe" to share it with. No one that I know well enough that would really get it. So as a result I find myself desiring God more, turning to God more. HE is my shelter, my protector. I can hide in His shadow as I tell him everything, as I finally let myself have that well deserved mental breakdown.

Strangely enough, or mayhap not so strange, that is a good thing. I NEED to seek God! I NEED God! I know God is not safe, but I know GOD'S HEART IS GOOD! I don't want safe anyway when it comes to GOD. I need someone bigger than safe. I need a fighter, a hero, a savior, a commander, a defender.... No safe is definitely not big enough!

Some days having 2 kids currently requiring almost total care and facing a large number of unknowns in their future,

an almost 6 year old that does not speak conversationally yet even though she's been home 15+ months,

another almost 6 year old that is HYPER all the time and is ultra interested in cuss words, boy/ girl relationships, and back talks like a problem 16 year old,

having my 17 year old son drop out of highschool because he just "can't do it anymore" and convincing/ forcing/ begging him to stick with the GED course he is taking and hating,

my husband being extremely busy and working 12 hour days 6 days a week,

my oldest a freshman in college and me trying to stay involved in her life so that she knows MOM is still there for her and that she will always belong here,

my house is a mess, my yard is a disaster, my laundry pile is breeding, and so on and so on....

Life! It's going to kill me. [But I guess that's that point. :)]


So when I get asked the question "Do you think you guys are going to adopt again?" Instead of a quick "probably" or a "We just finished our Homestudy.", as used to happen, there is a pause as I consider my words carefully. Yes, life is CRAZY. Yes, my mind might explode. Yes, there are inklings [okay, more like nuclear bombs of desire] for the easy road. Yes, I am constantly saying I can not fit one more thing into my days right now. Yes, I might forget that my youngest ones haven't had a bath in over a week. Yes, we might eat McDonalds or Ramen noodles more than I am willing to admit. Yes, there is enough dog hair on my wood floor to warmly stuff a comforter cover for the coldest winter on record. And so on, and so on.... And still the answer that comes out of my mouth...is YES.

YES! YES! YES! YES! Now, don't get excited. Let me qualify that answer. That YES is for GOD. Not long after we adopted Luke, in talking to God, I promised Him that my answer would always be YES. Whomever the child, whatever the situation, my answer is YES. My home, my heart, my arms will forever remain open. He gave me a mothers heart, and I am so very, very thankful for that.

IN the craziness of life I can lose sight of all that though. Lately the things I am reading, the sermons that I hear, the quotes that I find... they all come back to the fact that GOD called me onto the mission field of being MOM. He is talking to me, He is rejuvenating my tired heart. He is reminding me of bigger pictures and grander plans. I need HIM so much, and He loves me enough to make it obvious. ;).

Trusting Him with the outcome, I say YES each morning.

.............................................................

ON a side note, Quentin is doing fantastic! He is growing so big! He is rolling over. He is sleeping at night like a champ! He is happy and healthy. He brings me an overwhelming amount of joy each day. I could brag about him for hours!

Here he is at about 2 1/2 months old:

He is very strong for 2 months!


His shunt has finally stopped looking like a vienna sausage on his head!


Isn't he just adorable?


A rare smile. He'd rather talk to you then smile at you. And this crooked little half smile? It's going to melt some girls heart someday. It's already melted mine. :)


Here is his back. It is healing slowly but surely.

Number 10!

Wow, talk about a dead blog! Life has just been so busy, I have hardly had time to organize my mind enough for a decent post. Admittedly, I have found Facebook a much quicker and easier way to keep everyone updated [because I know that they wake each day filled with excitement at what my witty or interesting status will be! .... NOT!].

But for those of you that are not on Facebook and have been wondering about my family, I have the best news to share with you! Yes, we have adopted again! A little boy, making our family a mix of 6 boys and 4 girls, currently ages 18 years - 4 weeks. :) NEVER in my life did I think I would say "I have 10 kids!". But I am so happy that I can say that now!

Quentin was adopted domestically. We were matched with him on the 18th of August and he came home on the 31st. He spent his first 3 weeks of life in the hospital because of being born with Spina Bifida. He is home now though, and is doing so well!

Are we intimidated? Yes. But not so that we are staying up all night worrying. I firmly believe God led us to this little boy, and I firmly believe whatever challenges we meet, He will be surrounding us with his strength, love, and compassion.

It's beautiful, God's hands in adoption. I have never been able to, nor do I want to, separate God and adoption. It is the culmination of all the love in His heart! A perfect picture of a perfect love!

There is more to share about how Quentin is a part of our family. But I am not ready to share all of it just yet, I find I am wanting to hold that in my heart and reminisce with my Heavenly Father about it some more. There is much there, and it is worthy of sharing. But not yet...

So here he is! Our little boy!

Quentin Tristen Thomas Mayden

Come The Spring...

Yana was born in winter. It was March 20, 2003, but for her there was no coming thaw. There was no first flower of spring. There were not fresh rains washing the cold and dirt of winter away. There was no warm sunshine on her face, no gentle breeze blowing her hair.

For Yana there were the four walls of a crib. There were bottles hastily shoved into her mouth from out of no where. There was crying out for attention until hope was lost and she was silent. There was no familiar face, there were no recipricated smiles.

There were just the same four walls of a room she very rarely left, most of the time was spent in the same four walls of her crib. There was no variety in her diet, just like there was no variety in her life. It was stale, dark, cold,[or very hot], and silent.

Death permeated the air. The death of hearts that had given up or become hardened. The death of hope as no child's cry was answered. The death of joy as there was nothing to look forward to. The death of little souls as they waited for their savior who sometimes only came in the form of a lonely, and sometimes painful death.

Let's face it, winter sucks for the young when there is no hope of spring, no hope of sunshine on their face, no hope of a gentle snow to cover up all that has died and become stale and ugly.

But there is something amazing that is happening. Yana doesn't live in a winter atmosphere anymore. The ugliness has been replaced. There is sunshine, and gentle breezes, joy and hope, smiling faces that always answer a cry or a need, and there are celebrations all day long!

Spring has sprung, and like the grave could not hold my savior, winters shadows can not hold my Yana.

"Blossom by blossom the spring begins"
Author: Algernon Charles Swinburne

So many blossoms on my beautiful Yana flower!

blossom #1. She constantly seeks attention. You can not sit down w/o Yana crawling over and up into your lap. She then proceeds to make herself comfortable and often is very demanding in you paying attention to her. All this from a child that you had to all but beg to interact with you.... All this from a child that showed no independant thought.

blossom #2. WE have language comprehension!!! Yana literally had NO language, Bulgarian or English. She understood nothing and it meant nothing to her. Now I can definitely say that is not the case. I KNOW she understands at least 7 questions/phrases. I am sure there are more coming, but she is getting it! And I am putting the phrases/questions to actions/signs on her part so she can start to show me what she wants!

blossom #3. She LAYS her head down on my shoulder as I sing her songs before tucking her into bed! I LOVE IT!

blossom #4. She CRIES many mornings when she is awake and will break into smiles and giggles when I come into her room!

blossom #5. Eye contact, eye contact, eye contact.... it is happening more and more!

blossome #6. She loves to crawl quickly to the door if someone goes out of it and tries to go out herself. :)

blossom #7. She shows a MARKED preference for her family. AND shows an interest in where they go if they leave her.

So many things are happening... she knows so much more than she did just 9 months ago. Within the love of her family, she is aware, alert, interactive, purposeful, and communicative. She is blossoming.

Winter has lost it grip. Spring has come!

I could watch her all day long! Enjoy some spring blossoms with me. :)

Featured Child....

BETHANY

December 2006
Osteogenesis Imperfecta


From volunteers who met her: This radiant girl lives in a Russian orphanage. She suffers from OI, Group 3. She was bedridden for the most of her life; until she was almost 4 years old she could not sit and could not turn over. She had multiple bones broken by simply moving around in bed. Only one year ago volunteers found her in a cast from head to toe. They have begun raising money for her rehabilitation in the American Medical Center in Moscow. As a result, she is now sitting vertically first time in her life. The first time she was able to look out the window, she saw the bleak Moscow landscape of late November and there was no limit for her joy! She takes such pleasure in being able to see that the street cleaning guy has a “soft” hat and that birds are “fuzzy .” Despite having such a handicapped childhood, Bethany is unbelievably bright. At three and a half she knew all colors, 1 to 10 numbers, could recite many children rhymes, and she has a perfect music pitch! According to the nurses, Bethany radiates positivism and humor to such degree that children from the hospital gather in her room for a good laugh, a song, or a story. When it was time for her to leave the hospital and to part with the nurses, she broke down crying for the first time, despite all the physical pain of the hospital procedures. She desperately wants to belong, to be part of a family.

More information is available for interested families. Potential families must have good medical coverage and be comfortable financially.

**** Where is her mommy? I can just imagine the bright light of her soul locked inside a body that is not getting the help it needs? Where is the family that will set her free?